The Opposite of Zen

I was just meditating while writing, and this is roughly what I got:

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Singularity, not just a word: conception, aspiration, enlightenment. Enigma? infinite progressions. Recursion, like a fractal. The words float on the paper; the paper slips through.

[gets really sloppy here, hard to decypher]

Liberation. Clairvoyance. Measureless coexisting day/night cycles. So fast... Everything. Diverging. Words fail. Thoughts can't define it. Overwhelming.

[and I open my eyes, but it's like I never closed them, because I could see myself writing and everything around me, outside, everything]
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I want to cry. I feel like I have to get it out somehow. I just get to a point where I can't keep a grip on both, I can either transcribe, or proceed... But if I advance from that point, I can't document it. When I do proceed, it's just too much... It's like "everything". All the day/night cycles, everything changes and morphs and there are so many people and ideas and thoughts. And it's all happening at once... I can't keep up, I mean, I can, but I can't grasp all of it. Then there's the opposite direction, it's kind of like zen... But this... I don't know what it is, or what to call it. I don't even know where to start.

Stone sober by the way... Just FYI. Couldn't sleep, so I decided to try to meditate and record it somehow.

Also, everything I wrote... There are so many thoughts behind each one... The words are just reminders, like pointers to the thoughts... It's so much more than just what I wrote. But I can't possibly write it all. And the shitty part is, as soon as I go to sleep, I'll forget most of it.

But... Now i'm exhausted. And can finally actually sleep. So, mission accomplished I suppose! Hah!