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The Opposite of Zen

Posted on Monday, September 7, 2009 at 07:54:32 AM.

I was just meditating while writing, and this is roughly what I got:

---
Singularity, not just a word: conception, aspiration, enlightenment. Enigma? infinite progressions. Recursion, like a fractal. The words float on the paper; the paper slips through.

[gets really sloppy here, hard to decypher]

Liberation. Clairvoyance. Measureless coexisting day/night cycles. So fast... Everything. Diverging. Words fail. Thoughts can't define it. Overwhelming.

[and I open my eyes, but it's like I never closed them, because I could see myself writing and everything around me, outside, everything]
---

I want to cry. I feel like I have to get it out somehow. I just get to a point where I can't keep a grip on both, I can either transcribe, or proceed... But if I advance from that point, I can't document it. When I do proceed, it's just too much... It's like "everything". All the day/night cycles, everything changes and morphs and there are so many people and ideas and thoughts. And it's all happening at once... I can't keep up, I mean, I can, but I can't grasp all of it. Then there's the opposite direction, it's kind of like zen... But this... I don't know what it is, or what to call it. I don't even know where to start.

Stone sober by the way... Just FYI. Couldn't sleep, so I decided to try to meditate and record it somehow.

Also, everything I wrote... There are so many thoughts behind each one... The words are just reminders, like pointers to the thoughts... It's so much more than just what I wrote. But I can't possibly write it all. And the shitty part is, as soon as I go to sleep, I'll forget most of it.

But... Now i'm exhausted. And can finally actually sleep. So, mission accomplished I suppose! Hah!

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Abstraction, misinterpretations, and being a fuckin' human...

Posted on Saturday, September 5, 2009 at 04:24:19 AM.

Meh... There's the one thing about programming, for the web in particular, that has always annoyed me: estimations are rarely correct.

You see... when you have some abstract thing built in your head it all makes sense, you understand it perfectly, you can visualize the whole thing easily... but then...

You have to sit for hours upon hours in a dream-like, zoned-out state (or zoned-in, depending on your perspective), typing away to make the damn computer understand it the way you do... and not only understand the abstraction of the idea, or program, the way you do... You have to be able to break it down into perfectly-logical pieces. Lots of them. Then sometimes, you see patterns in the pieces and, if you're savvy, you abstract something else to create or manipulate all of those pieces.

Then you have to make it look pretty and easy to use.

The latter, sooo simple...

The former, no so much... throw in the fact that you are a human and you make mistakes: syntax mistakes, simple typos, and just stupid logical mistakes. Sometimes you just do things in a way that, at the time, seem perfectly fine, until later you realize you should have done it differently for some reason or another. Then sometimes the damn computer interprets something differently than you'd expect.

No matter what, there's always something that doesn't go as expected. I guess that's just life. After all... Who is perfect?

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I am.

Posted on Wednesday, August 26, 2009 at 05:03:43 AM.

I am light, I am infinite, I am the channel, I am expanding, I am psychedelic, I am vibration, I am timeless, I am unity, I am activating, I am resonant, I am galactic, I am radiant, I am defined, I am electric, I am lunar, I am magnetic, I am planetary, I am balanced, I am organized, I am connected, I am inspired, I am in harmony, I am integrity, I am perfect, I am manifestation, I am dissolving, I am releasing, I am liberated, I am dedicated, I am universalized and divine, I am transcendent, I am being, I am communicating, I am spirit, I am breathing, I am cosmic, I am essence, I am power, I am action, I am dreaming, I am abundance, I am intuition, I am god, I am extreme, I am the internal and the external, I am flowering, I am clocking, I am aware, I am life force, I am surviving, I am DMT, I am spiraling, I am arc, I am accomplishing, I am healing, I am beauty, I am elegance, I am pure, I am flowing, I am love, I am chakras, I am coinciding, I am playing, I am magic, I am elusive, I am free will, I am wise, I am exploring, I am space and time, I am more than life, I am vivid, I am enchanting, I am timelessness in complete infinite design, I am alien, I am human, I am receptive, I am vision, I am energy, I am mindful, I am questioning, I am answering, I am intelligent, I am fearless, I am evolving, I am opening my third eye to the unseen vision translating, I am synchronicity, I am reflecting, I am endlessness, I am order and chaos, I am the Tao, I am crystallized, I am self-generation, I am affirming, I am enlightened, I am life, I am a tone, I am a color, I am electronic, I am lunar and solar opposite and polar, I am a witch, I am a radio, I am particles of plasma, I am cosmic, I am releasing, I am liberating, I am perfect, I am pulsing, I am realizing, I am the one because the one are all, I am form, I am the infinite nothing that becomes the everything, I am symbolic, I am the divine spirit that harmonizes with the laws of projecting the totality of experiences and excessivity of process. I am me... We are you...

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My View of God

Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 03:10:50 AM.

This is a very very touchy subject... I'm actually quite hesitant to even post this for fear of my family reading it and being reminded of this period of my life. But, this is something that is extremely important to me, and I do believe it could change lives... So I'm sharing it.

--
When I was younger, I was in a fatal car accident. I briefly remember waking up after the accident. I was sitting in the front seat, slumped over the dash; my seat belt latch had broken if I recall correctly (I have memory issues from around that time). I saw the paramedics running towards the car, and that is the last thing I remember until I was in the operating room. I died in that pile of twisted metal. The paramedics revived me in the ambulance, and rushed me to the hospital. The MRI showed that my brain was bleeding and I was taken to the operating room to have a craniotomy to find and stop the bleeding.

I do not actually remember dying in the OR, but what I do remember is leaving my body. I did not float out of my body, or any of the things people hear about when others claim to have an out of body experience; I simply snapped out of my body. There was no ligh, no tunnel, etc... One second I was there, another second I was looking at myself from above. I saw the surgeons standing around the OR table.

When I died, I had a very vivid specific feeling. I honestly cannot think of a single feeling to describe it. Imagine how one might feel without flesh, bones, or skin, just nerves. Now imagine if gravity was greatly increased... I felt very dense and heavy, almost as if I was being pulled back down towards my body. I felt everything around me. I could feel the panic in the air. Suddenly, I felt this immense jerking feeling. I felt like my head was severed from my body, even though my body had not actually moved. Suddenly, I was above myself, looking down at myself on the operating table. Everything was very blurry, but if I recall correctly, my head was in a circular brace, face covered, and my body was held down by straps on the operating table. Most people would think I would have been terrified, but oddly, I felt extremely at peace. I saw the world for what it really was, through the eyes of an outsider. Then within seconds (I'm assuming, time basically stopped), though it felt like an eternity, I was pulled back into my body. I could feel my body pulling me back as if I were still somehow attached, though I couldn't see myself above my physical body. Suddenly I was back... I felt pain... I was alive.

Just before I snapped back into my body, I felt a very odd sensation. Almost as if I could feel the thoughts of someone that was thinking about me. I say I felt it, but I did not actually literally "feel" it, not physically anyway. I sensed whatever brought me back to life. Once the surgeons did pull back that chunk of my skull, what they found was amazing. My brain had stopped bleeding, and showed no physical signs of trauma. Yet, I had experienced death. I felt something indescribably amazing. It was not just mental, it was physical, or something on a whole different level that I can hardly describe. It was something spiritual; call it religious if you must.

I believe I felt god. It is something that is all around us, in everything. I can still feel it sometimes if I meditate on it. Every time my heart beats, I am reminded of it. Every time I close my eyes, I can see it. It is all around us, inside of us, and everywhere in between. There is something real, though not tangible, that surrounds us, something that connects us with each other. It is not good, nor evil. It does not judge or guide us, nor does it create or destroy. It is simply there, connecting us all to one another. I believe the thoughts I felt just after my death were prayers, meditation, whatever you prefer to call them. One might say that is absurd, but hear me out before you close your mind and jump to a rash conclusion.

A simple thought can create something physical. No? You don't believe that is true? You're completely wrong, and I can prove it. For example, if I get a cut my body creates white blood cells and sends them to the wound. I do not even have to think for this to happen, it just does. So, one could say that the human brain is capable of creating something physical from a simple thought. It's just enery, electricity, static pulses... If this is true, and it obviously is, then a prayer, meditation, or deep-thought can feasibly change something that is tangible and real, or at least have some kind of effect. Meditation does truly work. I believe it is fairly reasonable to conclude that what I felt were the prayers of my family and friends. This leads me to my general idea of god.

To me, god is this force that exists all around us, in everything, and it connects us all. It does not intervene in our lives, nor can it hear prayer or perform miracles. However, I think god is what allows prayer or meditation to actually work; simply a pathway, a medium to allow us to spiritually or mentally interact with one another. These are my own personal beliefs, and I urge everyone to come to their own beliefs based on personal experiences, not the words or experiences of others.

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Legalizing Recreational Drugs

Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 02:44:24 AM.

02/06/2008

If recreational drugs are to be legalized, we need to take into consideration the consequences of such an action. The most obvious problem with legalizing recreational drugs is a potential increase in the number of users. However, one could argue that these potential users would most likely have been alcoholics or gambling addicts anyway, though it can't be proven. If recreational drugs were legalized, addicted users could seek professional treatment for their problem without the fear of being prosecuted. Both alcoholism and addiction to gambling are legal for profit and entertainment and yet they are thought of as harmful. The overall negative effect of recreational drug legalization wouldn't differ much from the effect that the legality of alcohol presently has on society; we can look to many European countries where marijuana has been legalized as proof. If legalization is done properly, the problems of crime and supposed addicted users shouldn't get any worse.

Drug legalization would have many positive effects as well. Organized crime would become weaker, or else would shift into other areas of trade since drugs could then be traded without the risk of prosecution. This leads us to legal trade benefits. For example, poor countries in South America and the Middle East would have a legal export that is in demand. These countries would then be able to profit more without the related violence and risks associated with illegal trade and production. Drug legalization could also benefit the general population as well by providing funding for programs that benefit the public. A small tax could be placed on drugs, just as alcohol or a lottery. The price of organic recreational drugs would then drop since they are relatively easy to produce. This leads back to more profit and demand for exported drugs from poor countries; most poor countries aren't capable of producing synthetic drugs in a lab but they could easily grow organic drugs.

However, not all drugs are beneficial to society. If recreational drugs are to be legalized, they need to first be recategorized realistically by their effect on society as a whole. While many drugs are no more harmful than alcohol, certain drugs can cause significant negative effects. Methamphetamine, for example, is an increasingly popular recreational drug. It's synthetic derivatives, when consumed legally and appropriately, do have medicinal benefits such as helping treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. However, in its recreational form it is physically addictive and harms the body. It is not up to the government to prevent personal self-inflicted harm, but not only is meth's recreational form dangerous for consumption, its production is very dangerous as well. Marijuana, on the other hand, is a great anti-depressant and is no more addictive than Zoloft or Prozac. Marijuana's production is also very safe since it is organic. One might argue that the tar released by smoking it is harmful, but there are alternate methods of consumption such as vaporization or ingestion.

After we redefine recreational drugs to include only those with beneficial or non-addictive qualities, they are no more harmful than liquor or prescription drugs. If a drug is at all beneficial, organic, and its production method is reasonably safe then there is no reason it should be illegal. With legalization comes responsibility though. There should be regulations on consumption and punishment for abuse and illegal consumption by minors just as with alcohol and prescription medications. The public should also be realistically educated about the effects of different drugs, as well as the effects of alcohol. Many first-time drug users are simply curious to see the effects. If they knew the negative side-effects ahead of time they would be more prepared to handle the consequences, and may even decide against trying recreational drugs; the same applies to alcohol consumption. Most teens wouldn't get trashed if they knew how to regulate themselves and handle alcohol maturely.

Cannabis is a great candidate for legalization since it is an organic substitute for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Safer methods of consumption should be encouraged as well since smoking releases tar and other non-beneficial chemicals. The result of alternate consumption methods, such as vaporizing, is a very clearheaded and medicinal effect rather than the stoned effect from smoking since the drug is heated only enough to release THC vapors and doesn't produce smoke and tar. If marijuana were legal, it could be imported cheaply and taxed locally to support public welfare programs and education. Legalization would cause poorer countries such as Afghanistan to have a more active and prosperous economy and would lead to a higher quality of life for its citizens. If there is more money to be spent freely for leisure then the overall quality of life will go up for everyone since there is more money in circulation. Someone has to farm it, someone has to distribute it, and someone has to consume it. The person who consumes it will be happier due to its effects, and since it's legal and organic it is cheaper to produce than prescription medications. As a result, the producers, distributors, and consumers all have more money to spend elsewhere due to savings, which would help boost the economy even more.

For recreational drugs to be legalized, we need to first categorize them according to their usefulness and safety, as well as their overall benefit or harm to society. The public also needs to be properly educated of their effects, just as they are educated about side-effects of prescription medications by their doctors. Legalized drugs should be regulated just as alcohol and tobacco are, and ones that are more potent and possibly dangerous should require a doctor's professional opinion to be consumed.

Society as a whole would benefit greatly from the legalization of drugs. Law enforcement personnel would be able to spend more of their time and resources preventing crime rather than chasing drug dealers, and our prisons wouldn't be full of non-violent offenders. Consumption of recreational drugs is a health issue, just as alcohol and tobacco are, and not a criminal issue.

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Fallacies of Modern Organized Religion

Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 02:36:00 AM.

2/10/08

My single greatest problem with organized religion is that it is an over simplification of a complicated idea. It's an easy explanation of the unknown so that people can sleep at night while believing that attending church will lead them to this so called salvation. It teaches people to just accept the status quo, to not think freely, to not form their own thoughts and opinions.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely against organized religion; I'm just against people taking it literally and not questioning the world around them. Religious groups have done very beneficial things for society such as providing shelter for the homeless or sheltering orphaned children. However, one could play devil's advocate and say those things are just used to spread their beliefs among a greater base of people.

If you were to take a look back to ancient Greek times and you were to look at who was and wasn't religious, you would notice that the more peaceful person is religious as opposed to the non-religious people being the ones that kill and fight in wars and such. Fast-forward back to the present; George Bush lists Jesus as his favorite philosopher, and claims to be very religious, giving it attribution for all of his current power. Bush was governor of Texas, and is pro-death penalty. How can you truly believe in a God but then give yourself the power to take the life of someone else in the name of God?

What happened to the peace and love and compassion? CNN Headline News host Glen Beck has called for the nuking of Iran in saying “nuke the bastards” and then proceeded to say that anyone that disagrees with him should be killed. Pat Robertson, a supposed devout Christian, has called for the assassination of foreign leaders. Our media and government are full of hate and violence, and yet at the same time supposedly religious. The hypocrisy is sickening.

When nobody thinks for themselves and when society as a whole just sticks to the status quo, this is what happens. Nobody questions authority or thinks for themselves; then as a result our leaders can do pretty much what ever they want with no problem. We are not here to serve our government, they are here to serve us.

Both of my parents were raised very religiously; my mother was Pentecostal and my father was Presbyterian. I've been to church. I've been to Sunday school. I've read The Bible from front to back, talked about it with my family and friends, and do believe some of the things in it. However, I take it with a grain of salt. I do not believe everything I'm told or read just because it simply “is”. At it's core, Christianity is good, but unfortunately it is exploited by those in power. I'm fine with religion, but it needs to be taken out of our schools, out of our government, and out of our media. Religion should be something personal. If it were unorganized and there was no central point of control or belief, it couldn't be exploited nearly as easily.

Among the things I've learned from organized religion: You should love your neighbours, but if they are heathens you should convert or kill them if they resist. Murder is bad, unless sanctioned by the church or if you kill for religious reasons. The rules of the church are flexible, but not by you, because you are a lowly simpleton who can't think about such complex things as morals and ethics. Even with all of this hypocrisy, none of these things are reason for my dislike of organized religion.

What bothers me is that religious groups get involved in things they should have no say in, such as laws and politics. Take same-sex marriage for example: If a church doesn't want to marry a homosexual couple, they shouldn't have to. However, the government should give that couple the same benefits as a straight couple whether they were married by the church or not. When it comes down to it, religion can only be based off of faith. Faith should not be the only underlying factor when making any legal decision.

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